For the past nine months, ideas for my next novel have been tumbling around in my head like a dust bunny in the dark corner of a hallway, growing bigger with each character, narrative, setting, and arc, finally becoming so big that it could no longer be ignored.
So, when my husband and son were away this past week in Florida frolicking in the sunshine, I thought I should take advantage of the quiet mornings and nights when I wasn’t working to herd the ideas running through my head.
The first night, I could keep up with my brain and get it all down in an orderly outline on my computer, churning out 25 pages. But as the days passed, and I got to know my characters better, new personality traits emerged, fuller backstories developed, and more conflict arose. My mind was racing like it was in the last half mile of a marathon. All of a sudden, my cognitive skills were consumed by this book—in the shower, eating breakfast, driving, sleeping—never when I was sitting in front of my computer or when I had allotted the time. Not wanting to lose a thought before it flitted away, I found myself constantly diverting my attention to jot down notes—on the back of old receipts in my purse, in the margins of the printed outline I left on my bedside table, on squirreled away napkins in the console of my car, and in my OneNote app on my phone. Whatever I had at my disposal at that moment, I feverishly captured it all. The surge of creativity was electrifying.
At the same time, it was also terrifying. I thought I was losing my mind. I had no space left in my head for everyday tasks. More than once, I wondered if I had brushed my teeth as I stood in the mirror holding my toothbrush. Only after feeling the bone-dry bristles could I confirm that I had, in fact, not yet brushed my teeth. Probably because I had mindlessly put away the toothpaste in the top drawer next to my hairbrush—neither of which belonged there. This usually happened after debating whether or not I had washed my hair in the shower. And if I did, was it with shampoo or my face wash?
My memory didn’t sharpen after caffeine. I lost my coffee several times only to find it ice cold in the microwave. I couldn’t tell you if it was still cold from when I first put it in there or if I had nuked it for my standard 39 seconds, was deaf to the three times it must have chirped at me, and had turned cold again. There was the night I picked up my phone, looking for my phone underneath it. That same night, I tried to quiet my brain by listening to my book on Audible, only to listen to the same chapter four times. (I still don’t know where the main character’s mother’s remains were found.) And when I was getting ready for bed, I looked at my toothbrush, questioning whose toothbrush I used that morning. Sorry babe.
It didn’t get any better when I left the house, driving to the hair salon in my reading glasses. I blamed my blurry eyes on screen time until I tried to put on my sunglasses and realized the issue. When I got to my destination, it took me a minute to appreciate that I had left the car in Drive, which was why I couldn’t lock it. And then I embarrassingly stood in front of the salon door, waiting for it to open like a queen. After a few beats, the handle in front of me registered, and I pulled the door open myself.
After my creativity purge, I am happy to report that my next book is well on its way, and my cognitive skills have been rebooted. I am back on track, and only twice this week have I walked into a room with strong intentions, only to wonder what I am doing there. Phew!
Please tell me you’ve had a tunnel-vision episode like mine and that I am not just getting old. I’ll be over here doing my daily Sudoku and Wordle puzzles while I wait to hear from you. Just hit the pretty purple button below.
XO Melissa 🌻
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This is so relatable - especially the coffee in the microwave. I’ve done this many a time - and then I drink it cold in the afternoon. I’m glad to hear it’s not just me.
Sadly, I can relate....Good to know I'm not alone!